COLOSSIANS 3:18-4:1

This is Navy. And Navy's small, but she's mighty. And you might know about her. You might know about might not know about her. She serves over in our whitewater kids area, don't you?

Yeah, she's pretty fantastic. She's got a great personality. She's my favorite little girl named Navy. So she is here today to read our scripture for us.

You got it.

Husbands love their wives. Don't be mean to them. Children, obey their parents in everything. That's what pleases the Lord. Fathers don't make their children bitter.

If they do, they will lose hope. Slaves obey their earthly masters in everything. Don't do it just to please them when they are watching you. Obey them with an honest heart. Hold on.

Oh, keep going. You're good. Do it out of respect of the Lord. Work at everything you do with all of your heart. Work as if you were working for the Lord, not for a human master.

Work because you know what you will finally respect as a reward for the Lord wants you to have. You are slaves of the Lord Christ.

Anyone who does wrong will be paid back for what they do. God treats everyone the same. Masters, give your slaves what is right and fair to do it. Because you know what? You also have a master in heaven.

Great Job. All right, now I want you to read. I want you to read one more line again just for your mom, okay? Okay. Children.

Children, obey their parents. Obey your parents in everything. Great. You got it.

Thank you.

We'll put this off to the side here.

Well, today we're in our second to last sermon in our series, going verse by verse through the book of Colossians, a series that we're looking at Paul's letter. The Apostle Paul wrote this letter about 30 years after Jesus was resurrected to a group of little house churches in southwestern modern day Turkey. And I won't spend a lot of time in review today, so if you've missed any of these messages, I want to encourage you to go back as because they build on each other as they go. You can watch those online. Here's what Paul longs for in these churches.

I want to go back to chapter one and look at Paul's whole premise for this whole thing. This is his aim. Colossians 1. Starting in verse 9, we continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way. This is why.

What does that look like? Bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the Knowledge of God being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might, so that you may have great endurance and patience and giving joyful thanks to the Father who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption that the forgiveness of sins. This is a beautiful summary. It's a beautiful summary of what God has done for us, what he is offering to us, and what he's calling us to.

Paul spends the next few chapters and verses telling us how awesome and great and powerful Jesus is. Then warning us not to get dragged away by human philosophy and religious legalism, and then telling us what it looks like to walk with and be fully mature disciples of Jesus. This is Paul's heart and this is my heart for our church too. He shows us what it looks like in the personal spiritual context. This is what's going on in you, in the gathered worship context of the church.

And now he wants us to see how this functions in the everyday context of our marriages, parenting and work relationships too. We're not just to be new internally for ourselves, not just in the church, but in everything he says. No part of our lives gets a pass from dying to your old self and stepping into this life as a new creation. Now, before we dig into this text, a couple of key things to pay attention to that will help us view this properly. One is his audience.

And the second is the cultural context that Paul is writing to. And all of this will dramatically shift the way that we view this text. And it'll keep us from getting completely sidetracked by some things that have become very controversial in our world today. First, Paul is writing directly to real people in a real time, in a real place. And they are followers of Jesus.

They're gathered together in small house churches. They would be reading this letter aloud in community together. So you can kind of picture them sitting there around in a room reading this letter out loud. And it's written not just to anyone, it is written to believers that matters, because these are instructions that can only properly be lived out in the context of a household full of people who are dead to their old selves. It's impossible otherwise.

And who are actively pursuing Christlikeness in their everyday lives. That's so key. The second thing that adds crucial context is the literary form that Paul is using to package this and share it with his immediate audience. It's something I never knew, I never noticed before. I really dug into it this week, and I believe this is a huge key to unlocking what's happening here and understanding it now.

At the same time, Paul, at the time Paul writes this letter, Greco Roman philosophy has been part of shaping the world for over 600 years. And it wasn't just a collection of abstract ideas. This is baked into the DNA of culture, everyday life. And one of the key pieces of the Greco Roman philosophy was what was called a household code. A household code.

Guys like Aristotle wrote household codes that were taught all throughout the Roman society and government. This was very common. Everyone used this. And these codes suggested that the house or the home, was the primary building block of society. And these codes laid out how these families, these households, were expected to function within that society.

And so the purpose of the household code was to keep the households contributing properly to society and also to keep clean hierarchy in place. The man of the house, the one they called the paterfamilia, was at the top. He was right at the top. He was the center of gravity in their model. The household revolved around him.

And the entire social structure was designed to serve his status, his legacy, and his control. The man ruled over his house, he ruled over his children, he ruled over his slaves, and served as not just relationally, not just practically, legally speaking, and culturally. Rome Roman law gave him absolute authority in his home. He could arrange marriages, he could determine careers in the future, he could discipline as he saw fit. And in extreme cases, he could actually take the life of his wife, his children, or his servants without any recourse.

So when household codes were taught, they were designed to maintain a strict hierarchy, and that hierarchy existed to benefit the man. This is so important for us to understand. Everything was built to uphold his authority. And the household code was always written in the form of three couplets, three pairs, husband and wife, father and child, master and slave or servant. So when Paul leverages this super common literary form for the household code with the same three couplets, husbands, wives, fathers, children, master, slave, everyone in the room listening would have been nodding along like, yes, I know this melody.

I've heard this before. I know what this is.

But as we read this section again, I want us to notice that with each couplet that would normally keep the paterfamilias as the center of gravity, Paul throws the center of gravity completely off balance by saying some things that would have been absolutely shocking to the listeners here. And this is so parallel to what Jesus did in the Sermon on the Mount. If you're familiar with this he said, you have heard that it was said, but I say you shall not commit adultery. You've heard it said, but I say, I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her, his heart. He does the same thing with murder and hate, with praying for our enemies instead of getting back with them.

His point is Jesus point. Paul's point. The pattern of this world is not the pattern of the kingdom. Paul's doing something very similar. And so let's dig in and see how with each familiar idea, these couplets, Paul throws off the balance.

It starts with wives. Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. Now this. At first glance, it looks completely in line with the time that Paul is living in. The husband is the center of gravity.

But notice two things. First, this is written directly to wives. Now that doesn't seem like much for us, but all of the other household codes were, were written only to the paterfamilias, the man, and they were written about everyone else. Paul is directly addressing wives here, saying, this is for you too. But the second half completely shifts the center of gravity.

How should they submit themselves to their husbands? As is most beneficial to their husbands. No, as is fitting in the Lord. Now what is this husband supposed to look like? It's what we just read last week.

He looks like a completely new kind of man. One who is not self centered but who is Christ centered. This is so key. One who has a heart of compassion and kindness and humility and gentleness and patience. A husband marked by the fruit of the Spirit.

In fact, the center of gravity in Paul's household is not the man. It's Jesus. Jesus is the center of gravity. Now that word submit, it doesn't mean. Shut up and do what I say.

That's not what it means. It's an instruction to Christian wives to choose to place themselves under the authority of their new creation, Christian husband. This is a willful act. So husbands, if you've been leveraging this verse against your wife to put her in her place, shame on you. Shame on you.

Our world today is telling us every day that there are oppressors and oppressed, that men have been the center of gravity long enough and it's time for women to stop being weak, to stop losing their identity and to fight for themselves to to be the center of gravity, or at least to make sure that they are equally the center of gravity. But wives don't miss this. Don't miss this. To willfully submit is not weakness. It does not strip you of your autonomous self.

Remember, the center of gravity is Jesus. It's Jesus. And Jesus willfully, humbly, humbly submitted himself. We read this in Philippians 2. It says, in your relationships with one another have the same mindset as Christ.

Jesus, who, being in very nature God he was equal with God did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage. Rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant. Being made in human likeness and being formed in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death, even death on a cross. Jesus did not diminish in his power or lose his identity at all when he became a servant to death. Now, wives, I know these are fighting words.

I know these are fighting words. And just hang into there. Hang in there until we get to the husbands, okay? But you are called by Scripture to willingly, not by Josh, not by Whitewater, by Scripture, to willingly submit to your husbands, as is fitting to the Lord. And the question, this is a very difficult question, is do you consider equality with your husband something to be used to your own advantage?

Now, before you get out the torches and pitchforks, let's look at what comes next. And I promise I will do an even better job of making the husbands uncomfortable. Okay, Husbands, we are called to an incredibly high standard and level of sacrifice. Husbands, this verse is not written to you telling you to make your wives submit. It's not saying that your wife should blindly do whatever you say.

It's not saying that your wife can't have an opinion or disagree with you. It's not saying that you are the center of gravity. Jesus is the center of gravity. This is the message on Repeat. Here's verse 19.

Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Now, this is a crazy disruption to the pattern for those who would be listening to this and hearing it in the first centuries. In the first century, husbands, love your wives. And then notice the one way Paul cautions. Usually he says, do not be harsh with them.

Why? Why would he say that to us? Because men, we have a high propensity for harshness. We have a high propensity for harshness. Paul says that the easiest way for us to handle this responsibility poorly is through harshness.

Paul gives a parallel household code in Ephesians 5. And if we jump over there, we get to see more of the details, much more descriptive picture of what this means for husbands. He opens in verse one of chapter five by addressing everyone. Follow God's example. Therefore, as dearly loved Children and walk in the way of love.

Just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. And then he goes to the husbands. Husbands, love your wives. How? Just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, why did he do it?

To make her holy. Cleansing her by the washing with water through the Word. And for this purpose, to present her to himself as a radiant church without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish or but holy and blameless. Husbands, don't miss this. You are to love your wife in such an incredibly selfless, Christ centered way that you would forego comfort and preference and power and even life itself for one aim.

For one aim. The whole reason that God has given you any spiritual authority in your marriage is so that through the way you love and lead your wife, she is becoming more and more radiant, cleansed without stain, spotless, holy and blameless. This is what Paul is asking wives to submit to that kind of love. This is a huge responsibility for husbands. You are married to the daughter of the King of the universe, man, and your job is to lead and love her more and more into the likeness of Jesus.

And one day you will stand before the King and you will be held accountable for whether or not you did this. Now, in almost 25 years of ministry, I've done a fair amount of marriage counseling. I have never had a wife look at me and say, the real problem is I'm just so sick and tired of submitting to him because he's so much like Jesus.

That has never once ever been the problem. Okay, husbands, you have one job. Love your wife like Christ loves us. Wives tell me that you would not willingly submit to that kind of love and leadership in your home. Men, if you are not leading your wife toward Christ, then it is time to repent.

It's time to repent of making yourself the center of gravity. It's time to wake up.

It's time to correct course. Because if you're quoting this verse more than you're modeling the heart of Jesus, you have missed the whole point. All of this should give anyone in the room who's not yet married some serious pause about the characteristics and qualities of a person that you're willing to marry. Whether you're willing to submit to that kind of person, whether you are willing to love sacrificially this kind of person, this kind of commitment. Now, inevitably, there are those in the room today or listening online who have had either been harmed by someone who used this kind of language to hold power over you or for self gain.

And some of you are married to a spouse who's not a believer. Without falling into the trap of trying to use one verse to address all of the complexities of sin and brokenness in marriage, just let me say this. God sees you. He sees your pain. He sees your longing for something better.

And if you need help navigating this, we would love to help walk with you through your specific story. I don't want to give a nice plastic answer to what might be a very complex situation. And so if that's you today, please reach out. Please reach out. There's so many great resources that we have at our disposal, and we have something that this first century church didn't have.

We have solid Christian counselors. And I said this a few weeks ago. I'll say it again. If you feel like your marriage is just fine, but your spouse does not feel like your marriage is just fine. Your marriage is not just fine.

Your marriage is not just fine. Maybe it's time to dig in. Maybe it's time to dig in. So again, if this is you today, come talk to us. Let us help connect you with some great resources and navigate this together.

All right? Husbands, wives, breathe a sigh of relief. We're going to move on to the children. Verse 20 Children, obey your parents in everything. For this pleases the Lord.

It's really too bad that all of our high school, middle school, most of them are gone. Got a bunch of kids not in the room. Now this is a very straightforward sentence in the Greek. Children are those who are still living in the household of their parents, whether they are younger or older. That means that if you still live in the household with your parents, this applies to you.

And it also means that if you have adult children who do not live in your house, you do not get to throw this verse to at them. Okay, children, you are to obey your parents. Notice that obey is a very different word than submit. There's no mention of willful submission here. It is simply obey, whether you like it or not.

And how do they obey in everything? The Greek word there for everything is our English word. Everything. Turns out it means everything. But notice why.

Notice why children are to obey? Because this pleases the Lord. Now why does this please the Lord? Here's the biggest reason. Because obedience to parents is practice for obedience to God.

Obedience to parents is practice for obedience to God. When a child learns to obey a parent, they're learning to listen to a voice that loves them and submit to it. That's not just about following rules. It's about being shaped into someone who can recognize, trust, and respond to loving authority. This is huge.

It's training for listening to hear God's voice and to follow him with the same amount of obedience and trust. This is why it matters so much that we discipline our children now for no extra cost. No extra cost. Paul doesn't even offer this to you. This is a great gift that I'm going to give to you.

Two more reasons why you should obey your parents and everything. The first is this. Your mother allowed you to live in her body for nine months. Okay? Show some gratitude.

All right. Second, you are expensive. Like, really expensive. Okay? The Latest numbers say $300,000 to take a kid from birth to adulthood.

That's a lot of money. And I'm sure that if you would like to pay that back instead of being obedient, your parents will gladly help you pack your bags and go somewhere else. Okay? Now, kids, kids, seriously. Listening to your parents is nothing shocking or new in Paul's household code.

But listen, it's not just for the kids. There is a giant responsibility now on the parents. Parents, our parenting should be forming our kids into the likeness of Jesus, whether they like it or not. And very often they will not. But if the way they interact with us has any bearing on the way that they interact with God, then we better be checking our motives.

We better be checking our behavior. We better be making sure that our character is aligned with the character of Christ. Paul specifically warns fathers against what he knows is going to be a common misstep. He says, fathers, do not embitter, or some versions, provoke your children or they will become discouraged. Now, I got to confess, this hits way too close to home for me, Especially in this season of raising three teenagers.

I find myself far too often nitpicking and lecturing and raising my voice, laying down rules like a drill sergeant. Now, don't get me wrong. We certainly have to correct and discipline our kids. And sometimes that comes out and needs to come out in a very stern form. But beyond this, what they really need, what they really need is a dad, a mom, a caregiver who represents the character of God and points them to Christ.

And while this passage is directed at fathers, it's true that this applies to mothers, to step parents, grandparents, guardians, whoever's raising kids. So how do we know that we're provoking our children, embittering our children? One way is through hypocrisy. Kids notice when we demand from them something that we are unwilling to live ourselves. If I tell my kids to be patient all of the time with each other, and then I lose my mind at the drop of a hat.

Not that I ever have, they see the disconnect. They're not fools. Good news is they're not looking for perfection. They're looking for authenticity. They're looking for consistency, which is another way that we can embitter them is our inconsistency when our expectations shift with our mood or shift with the day.

Yesterday we were good with it. Today we're not. My brother got to do it yesterday, but I don't get to do it today. I was fine, and then I lost my mind. Not that I ever have.

Our kids don't know which version of us they're going to get. And that kind of instability not only creates frustration and insecurity, it misrepresents God. To them, God is unchanging. And then there's criticism. When all they hear is what they're doing wrong, their ears stop believing that they'll ever hear what they're doing right now.

I've caught myself saying things like this, like, why can't you ever just. Or every single time that I. You do this, you always. Not because they're true, but because I'm frustrated and I'm tired. That kind of criticism doesn't build character in our kids.

It tears it down. It crushes them. So I'm asking myself this question. I'm asking you this question. You might be the number one disciplinarian in your kid's life.

Are you the number one encourager in your kid's life? I know most days I'm not. Do you remind them of their strengths and gifts as much as you remind them of their shortcomings?

Because again, this raises us into adults, like we actually are right now, where we view God as punitive and he's constantly disappointed in us because we keep messing up. That's what happened to us. That's why we're treating them the same way. And we will keep this cycle going of people who grow up to believe that God is constantly disappointed. Finally, we can overwhelm them by simply piling on expectation after expectation.

Clean your room. Fix your grades. Help with the chores. Be more responsible. Do some cooking around here.

Clean up. Stop that annoying habit. Oh, my gosh. Baa, ba, ba, ba. It's just piles, piles, piles.

Now, even when these things are true and right, and trust me, they are often true and right, okay. When they're stacked on each other in a Giant pile. With no grace, no encouragement, our kids can begin to believe that no matter what they do, they will never be enough.

We've had a boss like that made us just give up. Paul says, do not embitter your children. Not because they'll get mad at you, not because they will mess up, because they will lose heart. You can deflate them. They'll stop trying.

They'll stop believing they can please you at all. And they'll stop trusting your words, and maybe even God's words too, because the way that they view you is forming the way that they view, view God. And so, parents, maybe it is time that we repent. Maybe it's time we change course. And finally, let's look quickly at this third couplet in Paul's household code, the master servant or the master slave relationship.

Let me just say quickly here, Paul is not condoning slavery by what he says here. He is speaking directly to the culture that's in front of him. And the whole point of this section, all of these couplets, is that in every kind of relationship where there is one who is in authority and one who is under authority and power, there is a kingdom way of living and keeps Christ as the center of gravity. And I'm not going to try and kind of write off this whole story slave master relationship like a really healthy modern day employee employer relationship. I'm sure that those did exist at the time, but there was also oppressive, real oppressive slavery happening too, and even encompassing all of that, which this puts a whole new layer on this thing.

This is what Paul says in verse 22. He says, slaves obey your earthly masters in everything. Again, very predictable language for the people that would be listening. But then he ups the game and do it not only when their eye is on you and to curry their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart as working for the Lord, not for human masters.

Since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Paul says whatever work dynamic, everything from willful healthy employee to forced slavery, no matter where you are on the totem pole, live and work as if you are doing it for Christ. This is explosive. This means Paul writes this into the letter.

This means slaves have a seat in the kingdom. This means slaves and servants are sitting in the context of the church. And Paul says there is no master and slave in the kingdom. There is no man or woman in the kingdom. There is no Jew or Gentile in the kingdom.

He's not saying that from here on out, as long as we live on this world, everything will be perfect. He's saying there's a kingdom way for this to work. And it's not what we watch and see right now. But we are the ones who are ambassadors of Christ who are to bring heaven to earth. And we are supposed to be a Christ centered father and a Christ centered mom and a Christ centered child and and a Christ centered husband and a Christ centered wife, and a Christ centered leader and a Christ centered employer and employee.

This is his whole point in all of this. And then he flattens, completely flattens all power and hierarchy with this closing sentence that nails all of us. Verse 25. Anyone who does wrong will be repaid for their wrong. And there is no favoritism in the kingdom.

There is one consistent rule for all of us, no matter where we are in the hierarchy. Put off the old self, Deny yourself, put on Christ and walk in the spirit so that you are becoming more like Christ and so that everyone in your care and influence and is becoming more like Christ. And you will be held accountable for your actions whether you are a child or a parent or a husband or a wife or a master or a slave. This is the Kingdom household code. Christ is the center of gravity.

Now how do we turn all this into a simple next step? How do we actually do something about what we've heard? Here's the challenge. Pick one relationship in your life to bring under Christ's leadership this week to step out of the center and invite Christ into the center. Sorry, camera guy.

It could be your marriage, it could be your kids.

Bring it under Christ's leadership and, and ask yourself, what would it look like to reflect Jesus right here? And then do it. Do it. One step of obedience, one shift in posture. And if you know, if you know, you have really missed the mark.

If you know you've made yourself the center of gravity, don't ignore it. Repent. Repentance. This week I sat down and talked about this with my kids and explained that I lose my mind and I misrepresent Christ and I want to be the center of the universe. And then we played a game together.

And what did I do? I lost my mind again.

There's grace enough. There's grace enough.

And we laugh because it's true. We laugh because we all live it. We laugh because we're all trying to become the center of gravity. It's time that we repent. Husbands, repent to your wives.

Wives, repent to your husbands, parents repent to your children, children repent to your parents, employers repent to your employees, and employees repent to your employers. What if we were actually that kind of people? Our homes would look very different. This whole passage isn't about keeping people in their place. It isn't about hierarchy.

It's about reminding every one of us that where whatever level of power or authority we may have or not have, there's always one who is the greater power and authority. It's Christ. It's Christ. The kingdom model isn't to put the paterfamilias at the center of the universe. In fact, it puts the greatest responsibility on the paterfamilias.

It says, you are to represent to all of that Christ. Christ.

It's Christ. All. All of us are called to look like lead, like, serve like, love like, and obey like Christ.